


The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot

by kallieren



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Again, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Established Relationship, Hurt, Hux doesn't deserve this shit, Inspired by Music, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, M/M, kylo seriously fucks up and hurts hux, zero comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-05
Updated: 2016-06-05
Packaged: 2018-07-12 10:08:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7098421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kallieren/pseuds/kallieren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kylo has hurt Hux and now must face the consequences of his actions</p><p>Pretty much based on a song by Brand New</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot

Kylo opened the door to the apartment and slipped inside, careful to remain soundless. The hour was late, and he was uncertain of what he would find past the door. Inside the rooms were dark except a single light in the kitchen, illuminating an eerie light to the rooms down the hall.

Kylo crept through the living room, past the kitchen and down the narrow hallway with a silence that was impressive for such a broad man. He slowly turned the handle of the bedroom door and quickly threw it open to lessen the effect of the inevitable squeak that broke through the quiet air. One of these days, he vowed as he did every night, he would fix that door. The room was dark inside but was softly illuminated by the moonlight pouring through the slits in the window blinds. 

He snuck to the other side of the room where another man lay curled up in the bed, back to the door. The other man was reposed and undisturbed. In one corner, a small fan, the only other object in the room, purred evenly filling the room with a calm sound. The chill of it cut through the emptiness inside. Kylo looked down at the figure before him. The bed was made up neatly, with the only interrupted surface being where the blanket was pulled to cover the slight man beneath it, only exposing his upper body. The moonlight shone gently on the man, reflecting the pale translucence of his bare skin. He looked so impossibly soft, laying there with the innocence of a sleeping child. 

“Hux,” he said as softly as he could, reaching his hand out to touch him but hesitating, hovering inches over his shoulder. A wave of emotion surged through Kylo’s body, making him feel like he should climb in bed next to the man, wrap his arms around him, hold him tightly throughout the night. He knew that it would have the opposite effect, that this would shock Hux awake and make him more upset than he already surely was when he was conscious and around Kylo. He thought back to the argument nearly a week before, the last time he had spoken to Hux in the past few days. The words, full of anger, of emotion, were so far away now. No, he could not stay in this room. It would only pour salt into Hux’s already opened wounds, wounds that Kylo had opened himself. 

He inhaled deeply, dropped his hand to his side, and stood back up to leave the room. He trudged down the hallway, pausing to grab a thick comforter from the hall closet, and continued to couch in the living room, his new unofficial sleeping place. The small couch was much too short to accommodate his long legs. Still, he tried his best to get comfortable and willed himself to fall asleep.

The fight echoed in Kylo’s mind, now that he had unlocked the door to his memories. Snatched pieces of heated argument floated through his head as he tried to drift off and forced him to acknowledge them, threatening to constantly barrage his mind and make him endure another sleepless night. The things he had yelled at Hux. The things Hux had yelled right back at him, both unyielding, no sacred ground between them. 

The evening of the fight, Kylo had shown up at the apartment much too late, drunk and disheveled, smelling like stale beer and several unfamiliar perfumes. He swore up and down that it was just a work meeting that he had to attend, that he had no choice but to accept the drinks, that the meeting was strictly professional, that he hadn’t slipped back into old habits. Hux had been waiting up at the kitchen table where dinner he’d made, the dinner Kylo promised he’d be home in time for, sat untouched and growing cold. The dinner Hux had told him was going to be for a very important occasion. Despite his drunken haze, Kylo remembered vividly what happened next. He remembered how Hux had told him that he had accepted a prestigious job that was out of state. He remembered how Hux’s steely gaze had cut him from across the table as Kylo tried to figure out what this meant for them. He remembered how poorly he reacted after the words sunk in. 

Shocked by the news, his cool exterior had crumbled as the impact took hold of him, and without realizing it, he had begun shouting, saying anything and everything he could think of to feel in control of the situation. He felt his rationality slip away while he shouted. He yelled at him, telling him to do what he wanted, that he always took what he wanted. ‘What do you want from me?’ he screamed as he started pushing Hux’s chest, first just poking with a single finger, then pushing forcefully with both hands, then full-on gripping his shoulders and shaking him frantically like a rag doll. The screaming dropped down to desperate pleas as he kept repeating the phrase over and over again, what do you want from me, like an insane broken record. Hux took it all, unresisting, glaring hatefully at Kylo but making no attempts at self-preservation. When at last Kylo had realized what he was doing, he stopped abruptly and dropped his arms to his sides, backing up against the wall. 

Sensing Kylo had said his part, Hux began firing back, his words cutting Kylo to his core. He told him he knew his excuses were lies. He told Kylo how betrayed he felt, how he had promised he wouldn’t lie to Hux anymore, how he swore he’d never drink again, how he said the days of his suspicious outings were past him. Hux’s rage built as he started to yell at him, challenging him, daring him to call it quits, to walk away once and for all like he constantly threatened. Kylo had stood still, clasping his hands in front of him, head hung and staring vacantly at the floor. He was unable to speak and tormented with the guilt from his horrible outburst, even more so because he knew everything Hux said was the truth. When Kylo remained unresponsive, Hux had settled, relaxing his shoulders and imitated Kylo’s posture. In a voice that Kylo could hardly hear, he said again that he would be taking this job in another state, and this time that he didn’t want Kylo to follow. 

After the fight he began coming home later at night, hoping that Hux would be asleep before he got there to avoid any more fights. Hux seemed to be thinking the same thing, because he had started going to sleep earlier than usual, always seeming to be deep asleep long before Kylo walked through the door.

Kylo would let Hux do anything to him at this point. He would beg him to do something, to tell him how vile, how despicable of a human being Kylo already knew he was. He was a monster in every sense of the word. There seemed to be nothing that he could do to take away the hurt. He’d give anything to hear that voice again, if only to have it lob insults in his direction. 

He would miss it all. The clean, petrichor smell of his skin. The passion that shone in his eyes so brightly that Kylo was sure it flowed through his veins, ever-present. His fiery, brilliant personality that matched the flaming color of his hair, hair that Kylo loved to reach out and fuss up just because he knew that it would bother Hux. His charming wit, mischievous grin, the dastardly plans that he came up with on the fly.

Kylo knew that the next day would be the same. He’d wake up, prepare for work alone, ride the bus with no one and nothing besides his thoughts, and spend another day living his life that he was gradually beginning to hate. He hated himself. He hated every mistake he had ever made, which he confessed was happening more and more frequently. He knew that this justified Hux’s decision, that he was truly getting what he deserved. 

When he at last was utterly emotionally drained, Kylo drifted off to a dreamless sleep. 

He awoke several hours later to the sunlight streaming in through the adjacent window. He sat up and stretched his aching limbs. They popped and groaned, protesting from spending the night uncomfortably cramped in a makeshift bed that his body didn’t belong in. He pulled off the blanket and walked to the kitchen, still wearing the clothes from the day before.

The tell-tale squeaky bedroom door announced to Kylo that Hux was awake. Despite himself his heart suddenly sped up, pounding nervously in his chest, setting him on edge while he waited for what happened next. He quickly grabbed two slices of bread and busied himself with setting the toaster opposite the kitchen door so he wouldn’t be facing Hux when he walked in.

Hux’s feet padded softly across the kitchen tile from behind. Kylo was determined not to look over as Hux walked to the counter next to him and pulled a mug from the cabinet above. The two pointedly ignored each other as Kylo buttered his toast and Hux warmed a cup of tea. When they at last didn’t have any more tasks to distract themselves with, they finally paused to look at each other. Kylo gazed down at Hux, concern heavy in his eyes, combing Hux’s expression for clues of how he was feeling. Hux looked so worn down, lines of worry etched into his face. A wrinkled t-shirt and old boxers clung to his fragile, thin frame, making him look more like a child than a grown man. He looked sad, but even more so, he looked defeated. Resigned. Even so, Hux’s unwavering eyes stared directly back into his.

They continued to look at one another, neither of them speaking, until Kylo finally broke the silence.

“Say something, Hux, please just say something. Tell me you hate me, tell me to get out, tell me you never want to see me again, just give me something.”

Hux dropped his gaze down at the mug he was holding tightly between his hands, absorbing the warmth from the cup. Finally he spoke.

“I forgive you,” he mumbled quietly, still looking down. Kylo was stunned, stepping back as if Hux had slapped him instead of saying this. He would have been less surprised if Hux had done that.

“I forgive you again, like I forgave you last time,” Hux said more confidently, once more meeting Kylo’s eyes, “but I will not forget about this. Trust me, I will not forget.”

Kylo’s hopes started to run away before he could grab hold of them, thinking that Hux had changed his mind, until Hux started speaking once more. “This doesn’t change my decision. I’m leaving, nothing will convince me not to. I don’t want you to follow me, at least not right now. We’ll see further down the road, but this is what I want and I’m sticking with it. You told me that I could do what I want, and this is what I want. For once, keep your promise.”

Kylo felt his stomach drop and an aching in his chest as all his hope vanished as quickly as it had come. He couldn’t move, felt frozen to the spot as the words worked their way through his mind, numbing all his senses. He could only nod slowly.

“Okay,” he said, gazing at Hux steadily. “Okay, I can do that.”

“Yes, you will,” Hux snapped at him, then quickly looking back down at the mug still clutched in his fists. “It’s what I want,” he said much softer, his voice childlike. “I’m leaving at the end of the week. It’s already all been arranged.”

Kylo tried his hardest not to show his heartbreak on his face as he continued to listen to Hux’s speech. Hux pressed on, saying the things that had been building up over the last few days. Kylo held onto those words carefully, committing them to memory, knowing that soon enough they would be all that remained of Hux. 

“Maybe this will give you the chance to figure out what it is you want. Sober up. Act your age. Figure yourself out. Get a grip on your own life. You can decide if this is really something that matters to you, and in a few months, we’ll revisit this and see if we can’t give this another shot.” 

.......................................................................................................................................  
Nearly a week later, Kylo stood in the middle of the small living room and looked around at the vacant apartment. Hux hadn’t taken much with him, but to Kylo it felt as if the whole thing has been emptied. He walked solemnly throughout each room, trying to repress the memories associated with each one. He stopped at Hux’s former office, standing in the doorway as if he didn’t want to disturb the uninhabited space within. At last he inhaled sharply and cautiously stepped inside. 

The office had previously been an unused bedroom, and so it had a closet cutting into part of the wall adjacent to the entrance. Kylo walked to it and opened the narrow door. Inside, it only contained one object, a small cardboard box with the top taped shut. He knew that this hadn’t been here before, so he pulled the box out of the closet and broke the seal to see what was in it. The pictures of the two of them that had disappeared from the shelves several weeks before were tossed inside, the frames of a few banged up from the careless impact. 

The tears that Kylo had been trying so hard to keep at bay finally pricked the edges of his eyes, and then began to fall freely. He sat on the floor, pulling his lanky knees to his chest as the reality of the situation hit him harder than before. He allowed his building sobs to fill the empty space for a few minutes as he succumbed to his own self-pity, vowing that he would never find himself in this situation again. At last he felt his stream of tears run out and he sat up, rubbed his eyes with the heel of his hands, and stood to move on to the next task, whatever that might be. 

After some thought he decided today was the day he’d fix the squeaky bedroom door and began looking around for something to grease the hinges. When Hux came back to see what he had done with his life since he’d left, he’d see that Kylo was coping, that he was ready to fix things, that he was ready to begin again. His resolve grew as he thought about this new course of action, this new purpose. His head nodded in silent agreement as his plan solidified in his mind. He’d have to prove it to himself first, time and time again, but when Hux came by again, he’d be ready, he knew it. The perfect place to start fixing himself would be with that door.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Please leave kudos if you enjoyed this and feel free to leave any comments you have. I will be posting more kylux modern au that are their own independent stories, so subscribe if you're interested in reading more. 
> 
> Find me [here](http://kallie-ren.tumblr.com) on tumblr


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